1. Half of You Don’t Know WTF You’re Talking About

How I look when I read some of the shit y'all relationship bloggers type.

Granted, you could say that about anything most people write about these days. The advent      of the internet has made it easier than ever for idiots to spout their idiocy to anybody who has time to waste is interested in reading it.

Ben Parker said “with great power comes great responsibility.” It’s obvious some of y’all can’t handle said responsibility. Just because you CAN type about relationships, doesn’t mean you should. If you’re the person people NEVER ask for relationship advice, why do you think you’re qualified to speak on them?

2. No Ideas Original

There’s so many of you motherfuckers writing the same goddamned relationship advice. With the exception of perhaps two people I can think of, the genre of relationship blogging is cluttered with tired ideas and blasé writing.

It’s to the point where I can read the title of a post and automatically think of 65 similar articles that have very little to differentiate one from the other.

If you’re going to talk relationships, pick a different angle. Write it from a different perspective. I don’t think it fair to ask you to reinvent the wheel, but damn, at least re-invent the way you tell the story.

3. Stop Deifying These People

Women (as they tend to make up the majority of relationship blog readers) seem to be very appreciative of the things these blogs are saying.  I suppose that’s ok. With that said, stop putting these relationship blog niggas on a pedestal. They are just ordinary people.

#NoJohnLegend

And to keep it all the way funky, most of them cats look like stir-fried shit. No swag, no game, no nothing lames giving you directions on how to get and keep a man. I don’t take advice from Gabby Sidibe on how to get fit and watch my cholesterol. Not that ugly people can’t be in relationships, but why take general advice from someone who probably doesn’t have the experience to back it up?

4. There Is No ‘One Size Fits All’ Option

This is direct to the “all men do this, react to this, we all feel this type of way because of some random bullshit I just said” posts.

Look, I understand the need for speaking in general terms to maximize the amount of people who will read the material…but bro. We aren’t the same. We don’t do the same things. We don’t think the same way.

That’s not even the issue; the issue is when I’m talking to women who believe that whatever is written is applicable to all men. Everywhere. It’s not. And it’s stupid to think so. Can you get a baseline understanding of the opposite sex and then draw your own conclusions afterward?

Yes.

That’s what we do when we take advice from ANYBODY regarding almost anything with respect to interpersonal relationships.  However, please leave room for flexibility.  Relationship blogs cannot possibly cover every nuance of human behavior.  It will not be of any benefit to try and take EVERY generally applicable advice read…and cram that shit into your specific circumstance.

5. Fuck Steve Harvey

Relationship blogs are popular. Very popular. My Twitter feed at any given moment is full of relationship talk. Men vs. Women. Women vs. Men. Round and round, up and down, front to back, side to side. (That sounded a lot like sex didn’t it?)

I’m sure the amount of attention paid to relationships isn’t anything new.  My limited memory and penchant for only focusing only on what I can remember, however, sees Steve Harvey as the

I really don't like this motherfucker...

proverbial straw on the camel’s back.

I blame him, his creepy child molesting mustache, and spray painted lacefront. Think about it. Women are really taking advice from a 3-time divorcee on how to get and keep a man.

Word?

If some of you spent as much time reading self-help books as you spent reading relationship blogs, y’all might actually be in that relationship you spend so much time thinking about.

Imagine that.

I can’t be alone in this thinking. What are some of the things you guys hate about relationship blogs and bloggers? Hit the comment box and let me know.

Peace.

Awhile ago while I was studying in the 8th circle of hell (otherwise known as the law library) and I came across this little gem from my homie Slim Jackson from SingleBlackMale.Org. The title of the post?Defending Her Honor: When a Man Disrespects a Woman. 

The post told a story of Mr. Jackson who went out to enjoy an evening with a young lady he was on a date with. He stepped away to the bathroom only to return to the object of his affection being quite upset.

She made mention that a young man disrespected her and Slim decided to confront him. Words were exchanged, tensions got thick, and the post ends with what appears to be Slim starting a physical confrontation with the young man.  It should also be noted that the woman was not Slim’s girlfriend. Just someone he was dating at the time.

328 comments later I found some pretty interesting viewpoints. Some thought it was a noble gesture on Slim’s part. Others thought it was suicide. There were extremes (if a man doesn’t do something in that situation, he’s a bitch) or on the converse (no man should be lifting a finger to help and she shouldn’t have even said anything).

My viewpoint?

Read the title of this blog post.

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Men, something we’re all aware of…women talk.

Alot.

Amongst the things women tend to discuss is sex

A chief complaint I hear from women who are/were in relationships, with respect to sex, is that it isn’t as fulfilling as they’d like it to be.  Now, I’m of the mind that sex isn’t terribly difficult. It can actually be summed in 3 simple steps.

1. Get an erection.
2. Sheath your erection.
3. Hold your breath, pump for 5 minutes and *splash*

I was puzzled as to how so many women in relationships went without good sex until I had a conversation with a close homie of mine.

We were discussing his philandering with other women.  I was trying to make sense of it.  He told me all the nasty, dirty, disgusting, (read: totally fucking awesome) things his side chicks were willing to do during sex and it got me wondering…

Homie: Yeah, so she took the whole joint in her face, then licked her fingers and smiled.

My face during this entire conversation.

Me: You need to pass me her number…but I don’t get it. If you got a girl, why don’t you just get her to do it?

Homie: Nah son. That’s wifey.

Me: I know…so she not going? (Chicago slang. Going = her being willing)

Homie: Nigga, I’m not finna pop my wifey like she a jump-off.

Me: I’m confused. Are you saying you DON’T want your girl to do that?

Homie: No. She got the title bruh, you don’t let wifey do stuff like that.

Me: That’s the most ridiculous shit I’ve ever heard in my life.

I’m not an expert but I do know if a woman likes you there’s very little she won’t do for you sexually.  A good deal of the female population tend to wait until they get in a relationship so they can do shit that would get you arrested in most states.

Part of the reason why SOME women seek the security of relationships (and this is just a wild guess) is so they can have sex without being labeled.  Relationship sex means anything you do with that person gets you a “get out of judgment free” card.

Simply stated, any vile, disgusting, sexually deviant act can simply be precluded with “that was my man though.”  Using those magic words to preface whatever sexual atrocity you just committed will be met with “that’s right girl you gotta do what you gotta do for your man” as opposed “damn, you’se a dirty ass slut.”

Men are cheating on their women for new sexual experiences when they have a personal “you can do whatever you want to me” girlfriend sitting at home. This is beyond confusing to me. For whatever reason, some men, for lack of a better phrase, keep putting the pussy on a pedestal.

Yeah she’s your wifey, but she also wants to be smanged like a jump-off. She WANTS you to choke her. She WANTS you to call her dirty names. She WANTS you to smack her on the ass and pull her hair.  She WANTS to you push her up against the wall like the French guy did to that white woman in Unfaithful and hit it in the restaurant while she’s with her friends at lunch.

Bad sex leads to cheating. See?

The fact that you’re NOT doing that…is basically a violation of your boyfriend duties.  Don’t rob your girl of that son. Smut her out. She’ll thank you for it.

And in case you think I’m lying, I’ve done the research (on Twitter, where else?) and women have confirmed everything I just typed.  One woman even said to me “respect me? During sex? I want to be fucked. Not respected.”

I’m not really sure where men got the idea that women weren’t trying to get pile-driven into oblivion while in a relationship, but you guys are out here losing. You thinking it’s all good and she’s like “yeah!” to your face…and really thinking about how Jerome piped her down decent the previous night much she loves you.

Y’all just gotta do better.

But I want to hear from you.

Men, if you don’t like to participate in these type of actions with your woman hit the comment box and let me know why.

Ladies, if you have any personal stories you’d like to share, that are related to this topic in any way, I’d encourage you to share them as well.

Each one, teach one. I just want everybody to get laid.

Peace.

I read ’25 Years Young’ recently and remembered everything that was happening. How I felt, what I thought, the things I was going through. All brand new as if they hadn’t happened over a year ago.

Today is my 26^th birthday. I’m 26 years OLD. The switch in age categorization is a tacit notion that I am no longer a kid. I’m a grown man. With grown man responsibilities, grown man life changes, and grown man problems.

In crossing this invisible threshold, it would only make sense to look back on what’s happened to me since the last time I’ve revisited this topic.  Looking back will enable me to look forward and hopefully make better decisions.

And the best part? I get to share it with you guys.

So let’s get it started.

LIFE AIN’T NOTHING BUT AN EQ OF HIGHS AND LOWS

I’ve experienced some dizzying highs and some of the lowest points of my life within the last year. The lowest point is probably in the form of my interpersonal relationships with women.

They suck.

And continue to suck.

I discussed a few months ago why I was single.  One thing I probably should have included is

Yeah...I know...you can't believe I'm single either huh?

my need to do a better job of making proper life decisions in that department.  I have the reputation of being sexist (I’m not) a womanizer (unintentional) and a lowkey (highkey depending on who you’re asking) umm…slut.

I’m not going to waste anytime approving/disputing any of these labels. I’m a person with layers. An onion if you will. I mean different things to different people. And…you can’t please everybody.

I dated a woman at the tail end of 2010 that lasted until the beginning of this year. I thought she was really nice and I really wanted to be with her. Then I found out she wasn’t who I thought she was…I won’t go any further than that.

What that particular situation did do however, was make me realize I have an inherently flawed way of characterizing women I wish to spend my time with.

In short, I’m superficial.

Looks are a high priority on my scale for judging women. And apparently not a great indicator of future dating success as I’m almost positive that is precisely how I ended up with not one, but TWO online stalkers this year. One of them broke into my email account and sent private conversations I had with people, and then made them public.

Thankfully, I was able to talk out the issues I had with the people those conversations went to. Unfortunately, those relationships changed.  While I can’t say I’m happy about that, I will say that it enabled me to start communicating actual issues with my friends instead of venting to someone else. Life lessons taught the hard way.

On a positive note, 3 more semesters of law school were completed and I’ll be graduating in about five months. And I finally got a paid writing gig. 

SO MANY DREAMS, SO LITTLE TIME

I want to be a writer am a writer. I actually get paid to write. (Sup Boss Lady!) I’ve always had a passion for writing but it’s always put a tremendous amount of fear in my heart.  I have the chance to be a great writer. With that chance, it also means I have an opportunity to fall directly on my face.

A chance to fail in the most spectacular of fashions.

It’s terrifying.

I basically spent my entire life wanting to be a lawyer and in what could be considered the 11^thhour of my “legal career,” I decided that writing is what makes me the happiest. I’ve always been a person who had a plan. A plan that (allegedly) worked more often times than not.

I’d attribute that to my unwillingness (re: stubbornness) to forgo said plan. I stick to what I said I was going to do, even if there were plenty of opportunities that allowed me to see sticking to that plan may not have been the best idea.

I got these. They don't keep the lights on though.

It’s a fear I’ve been working on all year. I’ve yet to conquer it. I will say that at least admitting the fear and facing it has provided a tremendous amount of self-confidence. For me, fear is about uncertainty and the unknown.  The uncertainty is why I always try to have a plan, despite full knowledge plans rarely go the way I want them to.

Sometimes the fear causes over analysis which leads to me being paralyzed.  So caught up in my own thoughts I’m not sure whether to make a move.  I’ve learned sometimes it’s ok to just go ahead and make the mistake.  There’s a lesson in everything and failure is a better learning tool than success is.

Mediocrity has never satisfied me, so in order to reach the highest plateaus of success (whatever that is), fear will have to be the tool I use to help better me in my pursuit for greatness.

SELF ANALYSIS? SURE, WHY NOT

The psychologist in me chuckled profusely

 I have a four word philosophy. Fuck bitches, get money.

Ok. I’m joking. (Sort of…)

Live and let live.

The ebbs and flows of life are funny. People are here one day, gone the next. You can spend so much time chasing something, only to capture it and realize it wasn’t necessarily what you thought it was (or what you actually wanted in the first place).

At 26, I (still) have absolutely no idea what life is supposed to be about. My grandmother once told me that I needed to not to take life so seriously. That I should stop and smell the roses while enjoying the path I’m walking. A more morbid friend of mine always says “stop taking life so seriously, nobody makes it out alive.”

“Live and let live” is a personal philosophy that allows me to accept people for who they are with the understanding their place in my life is a choice. I don’t force anybody to be friends with me and I don’t feel obligated to be friends with anybody else. That philosophy, I’ve later come to find out, can be a bit…harsh.

I discovered my life philosophy can make it hard for people to emotionally invest in me. After all, why would you want to be friends with someone who explicitly states they aren’t overly concerned with your presence in their life? I love my friends dearly. I don’t always do the proper job of showing it, but I do the best that I can in the ways that I know how. And I had to face facts that 1) I’m not the easiest person to deal with (despite my claims to otherwise) and 2) it’s a two way street.

When I tried to examine it in the grand scheme of things, I realized that the same problems I have with relationships tend to be the same problems I have with friends.

Once, when I was young lad at FSU, someone once said to me “you can’t go through life by yourself. You need people, and people will need you.” I’ve spent a long time learning how to be self-sufficient. No doubt, a result of always looking to others for self-acceptance.

In that respect, I swung from one extreme to the next.  I doubt I’ll ever get to the happy medium, but I do know it’s something I need to do and I have been trying my damnedest to do so.

FINAL THOUGHTS (NO JERRY SPRINGER)

If you somehow made it to this point sans coffee break, a round of applause to you.

If you’re reading this blog for the first time, thank you. If you’ve started reading this year, thank you. If you’ve been reading ever since I started on Facebook, marry me.

Before Maury, there was Jerry. Pay homage.

Kidding. (Unless you’rea cute woman that cooks, and doesn’t mind having a tall, smart ass for a boyfriend *whispers* email me).

All jokes aside, you, the reader, have given something I’m sure every writer has wished for.

You cared enough to read my thoughts. To interact with me. To follow me and RT my links on Twitter. To sign up as an email subscriber. To join my Facebook group.

Your support of my writing is what enabled me to keep going far longer than I had ever planned to. That kind of love and support for something I truly love to do…that, is the greatest gift I could’ve received all year. So for that, thank you.

Stick around though, I promise it’s only going to get better from here.

Peace.

Sorry to say that this action will be repeated for this year as well. Papers, exams, and lack of sleep will not leave much room for anything else.

Because I value the feedback of you, the reader, I wanted to give you a heads up, lest you think I packed my bags up and headed elsewhere.

Everything jumps off this month and I should be back around mid December. Til then, feel free to read past posts and comment. And if you already read them, read them again! And again! And again! And…I mean you know…do what you like.

I’ll be back…*sigh* soon…

Hell, they’d probably be judged by people on the inside circle of those thoughts. All that to say I spend a lot of time self analyzing the things I do, and the motives for why I do them.

A popular hashtag on Twitter (or maybe just my TL) is the always funny #WhyYouNotMarriedThough tag.

Well…it’s probably not that funny if you were the person who got tagged, but I digress.  The tag is usually reserved for people who tell everybody how wonderful they are, how they can cook, how great their sex is, blah blah blah ad nauseum.

In general, when people talk about why they’re single, they’re always pointing outward.  The opposite sex is crazy, there aren’t enough eligible people, and literally, everything under the sun I can think of.

What I generally DON’T find is people taking a realistic approach to their own faults, flaws, habits, and shit people may not find appealing about them. So I decided to do something different.

This is a list of all the reasons why I’m single. I’m writing this in hope that my honesty will allow you to be honest with yourself, and that something can be learned. This will no doubt appease all of my friends who say I think too highly of myself and as if nothing is wrong with me.

Not that there is anything wrong with me…because I’m awesome. But, whatever.

I’M SELFISH

Self love is the best love, nah mean?

This has to be the longest and most frequent criticism thrown in my direction. My own mother once referred to me, her

oldest and loving son, as a “one selfish son of a bitch.”

*shrugs* She’s right.

I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. Everything has to be done on my own time, and for my own benefit. I don’t even ATTEMPT to pretend this isn’t the case.

While talking to my roommate once, he asked me if I knew when I liked someone. It took me 3 days to respond and the response went something like, “when I voluntary do something for someone that inconveniences me is how I know something about her is different.”

Asshole to the end.

I’M EMOTIONALLY BANKRUPT

I don’t get upset very often. Nothing moves me. You’d think by some of the things I write I’m pissed off 24 hours a day/7 days a week.

I’m not.

I’m too nonchalant for my own good. I’m of the mind that most people come and go as frequently as the seasons change. No sense in getting worked up over the inevitable and the inevitable is that most relationships don’t last. Women have a far better chance ending up as my ex-girlfriend than my wife.

At this stage in my life, I don’t invest emotions in other people or situations. I’d rather invest that time into myself (see: I’m Selfish).

I understand that this isn’t necessarily a good thing…but I’m single.  I don’t really care what happens with people and their emotions…just leave me out that shit.

I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING

Let me explain the list of things I care about.

My attitude towards 95% of what happens in life. Cool as a fan.

1. Video games.
2. Sleep.
3. Myself.
4. My family.
5. Law and Order SVU.
6. This blog (on some days, that’s a stretch)

That’s it.

(Two things to notice on this list are 1) how short it is and 2) how law school is not anywhere on this list).

In order to be in a relationship, you have to be able to care. You have to care their day sucked. Care  they got into a huge fight with their mom. Care their boss just fired them and they’re going to jump off the top of a building because they can’t pay their bills.

I’m not moved by any of that shit. It’s life and life goes on. That’s a pretty shitty attitude to have in all honesty…but I’m not in a relationship so I’m the only person that has to deal with this.

And I’m fine JUST the way I am.

I’m not a hurt/scorned/sad individual who’s writing this as some sort of plea to the world. I’m just a single man who really isn’t concerned with being in a relationship because quite frankly, I just don’t want to be.

Allow my honesty to be seen as liberation for you to look deep inside yourself to determine why YOU’RE single. And when you’re done, write in the comment section on why you think you’re single.

You can’t solve a problem without admitting it, so let this blog help you in that first step.

Peace.

RELATIONSHIPS AND SHIT

Learning how to walk away from people is an underrated life lesson. I find that a lot of you people feel obligated to stick around for whatever reason. Something to do with your feelings I guess.

Y’all can have that. Let me know how that works.

How you're probably going to react once you see my student loan bill. You said you wanted us to work right?

While I’m on the subject, I recently got suckered into a conversation about relationships. Girl asked me if I was in a “serious” relationship, would I follow my girl wherever she was moving to. Unless we’re engaged to be married (or you gon take care of my student loans while I’m out of work), I’m not moving nowhere to be with anybody.

Hell, I wouldn’t even suggest moving to be closer to ME unless we were getting married. Y’all can believe in that hopeless romantic shit if you want. This is REAL life and Sallie Mae is not going to stop just because you got tired of carrying the load.

BUT YOU’RE AN ADULT

I’m going to expand on this in a future blog, but I had another interesting conversation about women in regard to them wanting to be “checked” by their men. I understand this whole notion of wanting someone to have definite boundaries and not wanting a pushover as a man.

But, my question is this…why do y’all need another adult to teach you how to behave? You ain’t got the sense God gave you to know “hey…he might actually fuck me up if I don’t chill out, so perhaps I should just…chill out.”

WHERE IS YOUR FATHER?

(Some) men are so emotional. And emotionally weak. And I don’t mean when a man admits he has a problem and goes for help. I mean when a girl pisses you off and you run to Twitter to twit pic an avi of her giving you head. That doesn’t make any damn sense to me. Y’all niggas need fathers.

NATURAL WOMEN…Zzzzzzzzzz

I see a lot of natural women. I know I shouldn’t say this, but I don’t care. There’s a great deal of women walking around being natural because someone gave them permission to wear their hair in its

White man told you your natural hair was beautiful and you went and got a fro. SMMFH

natural state. Society said “black woman, we don’t mind that you wear your hair natural. It actually doesn’t offend us, so you go girl!” and some of y’all followed suit.

I don’t give a fuck how you feel, you can’t tell me different.

I said natural hair was a trend and all you wack chicks jumped on my case.

Fuck y’all.

If it’s a trend, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. It’s just something that’s popular and you followed suit. Fine. Just admit it and move on with your life. Stop trying to tell me you were concerned about the health of your hair. 27 years of perms and all of a sudden you care you don’t have any edges? FOH.

HA HA HA HA WE LUV DEEZ HOES!

(Some…ok a lot of) Men love hoes. I know they will quote various rappers who say “we don’t love them hoes” but they do. It’s the greatest lie ever told.

Men outchea spending up all they extra money on strippers at the strip club. Taking food out of they kid’s mouth to spend it on they side chick. Telling women “it ain’t tricking if you got it.” And most importantly having all these bastard ass kids with no commitment.

But you don’t love these hoes huh?

Lying ass muhfuckas.

Funnily enough, women HATE hoes. This is SO odd to me.

Think of all the actual hoes you know right now. How many of them are in relationships? Married?

Now think of all the “good girls” you know.

How many of them hoes sitting at home listening to Mariah Carey by themselves? Drinking wine in their room, lonely as hell. They’re surrounded by all of their degrees, accomplishments, and the accoutrements of educated living. Silently whispering to themselves, while a single tear rolls down their lonely ass cheeks, “you go girl.”

Not to say women should start being hoes…just letting you know that looking down on women for being hoes while they simultaneously acquire everything the “good girl” wants is stupid. And that (some) men should stop lying so much.

MISCELLANEOUS

Takeover is better than Ether. Go play those two songs again and tell me Nas was kicking heat. If you think so, you’re a damn liar and you’re not welcomed here.

All these ain't hot though...

A lot of Jordan’s shoes are ugly as hell. I’d say like 65% of the collection are shoes I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to adorn. I know that’s blasphemous to you fools who pay all that money and can’t afford your light bill. I’ll let y’all cook freely though. If you come across some Grape V’s, let me know.

Apple getting Blackberry the fuck up out of the cellphone game for good. Just face facts, nobody’s checking for RIM technology bro.

That is all.

Peace.

The original purpose was intended to make a mockery of people who always say. “If a man hits a woman, he’s a bitch.”

I was roughly 25% finished with the post when I decided to scrap the entire idea and write what you’re currently reading.

I’d had a change of heart.

When it comes to physical confrontations with women, I have a single philosophy. That philosophy is as such:

“I will never raise my hand to a woman, but if she tries to kill me she’s no longer a woman. She’s a threat to my life. And I have the right to use enough necessary force to ensure the preservation of self.”

In other words, if you’re a woman and you try to kill me, I’m going to Floyd Mayweather your face.

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*Begin Prep Class Rant*

There are different “tiers” for the prep courses offered. I took the 2nd tier, which was the 10 week course. There was also a cheaper option for $600, which was a 4 week, weekend course.

There were higher tiers with prices ranging from $2K-$7K. The higher priced sessions included private tutoring, LSAT camps, and people who coached you to write essays. There were even sessions offered to people who had “top secret” tips on how to get you into law school.

I’ll refrain from making it a race issue, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see which “class” of people this is directed towards.

Those who can afford to take a $7K prep course are, more than likely, the same people whose parents have that type of disposable income. I’d venture to guess most of the people belonging to said class weren’t minorities.

And therein lies the rub right?

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I was in the middle of talking about how it expensive it was to move from one societal class to the other, when my classmate interrupted me with what would become the focal point of this blog post:

“Look man, you either have to buy your way in or steal your way in.”

I guess you could say this was a moment where everything sort of “clicked.” If there is one thing the pursuit of (even) higher education has taught me, it would be the notion that this system is more focused on keeping people OUT, than getting people in.  As a person who is going through the motions of trying to get to a certain level of achievement, I’m sometimes lost on just how many obstacles I’ve crossed to get here.

We could converse about blood, sweat, tears, lonely nights, sacrifices, missed opportunities, and time spent if that’s where I wanted to go. For this particular purpose I’d like to focus on one thing.

Money.

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