I’m a big fan of being honest; with myself, and others. I often find myself in strange predicaments, having weird thoughts, and pontificating details that would be judged as minor by anybody who stood on the outside of my circle of thoughts.
Hell, they’d probably be judged by people on the inside circle of those thoughts. All that to say I spend a lot of time self analyzing the things I do, and the motives for why I do them.
A popular hashtag on Twitter (or maybe just my TL) is the always funny #WhyYouNotMarriedThough tag.
Well…it’s probably not that funny if you were the person who got tagged, but I digress. The tag is usually reserved for people who tell everybody how wonderful they are, how they can cook, how great their sex is, blah blah blah ad nauseum.
In general, when people talk about why they’re single, they’re always pointing outward. The opposite sex is crazy, there aren’t enough eligible people, and literally, everything under the sun I can think of.
What I generally DON’T find is people taking a realistic approach to their own faults, flaws, habits, and shit people may not find appealing about them. So I decided to do something different.
This is a list of all the reasons why I’m single. I’m writing this in hope that my honesty will allow you to be honest with yourself, and that something can be learned. This will no doubt appease all of my friends who say I think too highly of myself and as if nothing is wrong with me.
Not that there is anything wrong with me…because I’m awesome. But, whatever.
I’M SELFISH
Self love is the best love, nah mean?
This has to be the longest and most frequent criticism thrown in my direction. My own mother once referred to me, her
oldest and loving son, as a “one selfish son of a bitch.”
*shrugs* She’s right.
I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. Everything has to be done on my own time, and for my own benefit. I don’t even ATTEMPT to pretend this isn’t the case.
While talking to my roommate once, he asked me if I knew when I liked someone. It took me 3 days to respond and the response went something like, “when I voluntary do something for someone that inconveniences me is how I know something about her is different.”
Asshole to the end.
I’M EMOTIONALLY BANKRUPT
I don’t get upset very often. Nothing moves me. You’d think by some of the things I write I’m pissed off 24 hours a day/7 days a week.
I’m not.
I’m too nonchalant for my own good. I’m of the mind that most people come and go as frequently as the seasons change. No sense in getting worked up over the inevitable and the inevitable is that most relationships don’t last. Women have a far better chance ending up as my ex-girlfriend than my wife.
At this stage in my life, I don’t invest emotions in other people or situations. I’d rather invest that time into myself (see: I’m Selfish).
I understand that this isn’t necessarily a good thing…but I’m single. I don’t really care what happens with people and their emotions…just leave me out that shit.
I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING
Let me explain the list of things I care about.
My attitude towards 95% of what happens in life. Cool as a fan.
- Video games.
- Sleep.
- Myself.
- My family.
- Law and Order SVU.
- This blog (on some days, that’s a stretch)
That’s it.
(Two things to notice on this list are 1) how short it is and 2) how law school is not anywhere on this list).
In order to be in a relationship, you have to be able to care. You have to care their day sucked. Care they got into a huge fight with their mom. Care their boss just fired them and they’re going to jump off the top of a building because they can’t pay their bills.
I’m not moved by any of that shit. It’s life and life goes on. That’s a pretty shitty attitude to have in all honesty…but I’m not in a relationship so I’m the only person that has to deal with this.
And I’m fine JUST the way I am.
I’m not a hurt/scorned/sad individual who’s writing this as some sort of plea to the world. I’m just a single man who really isn’t concerned with being in a relationship because quite frankly, I just don’t want to be.
Allow my honesty to be seen as liberation for you to look deep inside yourself to determine why YOU’RE single. And when you’re done, write in the comment section on why you think you’re single.
You can’t solve a problem without admitting it, so let this blog help you in that first step.
Peace.
rororoyaboat
October 25, 2011
first…i lmao at my desk at work when i read this. You’re honesty is comedic. Mainly b/c I was like “right right” to a few..if not several of those. Like you, my TL is full of similar chatter. I laugh it all. Mainly b/c I have no illusions as to why I’m single. In fact, one of my friends and I were just laughing at how brazen I am about myself and the lack of some qualities that the majority of women shout they have. Its laughable, but to each his own right? right.
Like my momma says… “there’s somebody for everybody..even my mean, selfish, jerk of a daughter with her sweet self” but then again…my mom is biased so who can really take her seriously??
I tell her, i’m single b/c of all those reasons and purposely lazy while doing a stepshow on mediocrity. Why go above and beyond for what will essential be unappreciated. I’d rather play assassin’s creed. I think she’s finally to a point she won’t have grand kids coming from her girls. lmao.
The Analyst
October 31, 2011
I’d rather play assassin’s creed.
^^^Comment of the day goes to YOU. Swag.
ASeason
October 25, 2011
Unlike most people, I KNOW why I’m single…
I’m lazy as fuck when it comes to new people, I don’t feel like getting to know you. I’m apathetic to people in general, I won’t go as far to say that I do not care about people and their feelings, I’m just indifferent to them. I also do not want to do the work required to keep a relationship. Honestly, I’m just all around lazy and dragging my feet when it comes to dating and relationships…I KNOW this about myself so I took myself off the market in order to not waste anyone’s time. You never know, maybe one day I’ll meet someone who will make me want to do those things but until then I will continue to not answer my phone and watch Netflix
rororoyaboat
October 25, 2011
i think i’m the only person without a netflix account. lol.
The Analyst
October 31, 2011
Nah…they just lost like 800K people. You got plenty of company.
The Analyst
October 31, 2011
I don’t feel like getting to know you. I’m apathetic to people in general.
^I feel that. That’s part of the reason why I hadn’t been out on a “real” date in months. It’s like “new person…cool…sex…cool…shit…here’s the REAL them…I’m out.” Not that it happens this way for you…I’m just saying lol
starita34
October 25, 2011
I’m picky, I’m overeager when I actually find something that I want, I’m emotional, I clam up when angry/hurt, I’m messy, I’m overweight, I take relationships very seriously-almost immediately, I’m currently hung up on someone (for the past couple years :-/ ), I won’t have sex, I’m cheap, I want a man to take the lead, I have a low tolerance for ignorance and complaining, I’m insecure at times.
Enough for now.
The Analyst
October 27, 2011
“I won’t have sex and I’m cheap” <—-for some reason, reading one after the other made me laugh out loud. But thanks for sharing your issues on here. I appreciate it. Are you doing anything to rectify any of this?
starita34
October 27, 2011
lol, nice catch, totally unintentional.
Sure I am, but certainly some more than others. I workout three times a week and try to eat healthy, I’ve been making a concerted effort to express myself when I’m upset, and I do a lot of positive self talk.
However, I’ve pretty much accepted some of those as just part of me. I’ll always be emotional, I’m not willing to be less picky, I don’t mind being cheap, I do spend money when need be, and I just can’t seem to shake that man – but the truth is I don’t want to, so until I do, it is what it is.
Mickeyla
October 25, 2011
1) My sister doesn’t want kids, so unless she changes her mind, I’m my moms only choice for having grankids. And I thoroughly enjoy not living up to someone elses expectations.
2) I’m impatient
3) Almost certain that I’m incapable of loving someone unconditionally bc should they really screw up, I cut all ties and feel no ways about it. So until someone makes me feel otherwise, or makes me wanna exert the effort to find out if this is still true, then I’ll stay this way
4) I enjoy the freedom of not having anyone to answer to.
5) I’m West Indian, and this list can all be summed up as “I don’t business”
The Analyst
October 27, 2011
LMAO @ the #1 reason is to spite your parents. Women and mothers…I swear y’all have been fighting an evil battle for years that men don’t readily understand or recognize. Double LOL @ the West Indian quote. As a Jamaican, I understand perfectly.
menotu
October 25, 2011
I don’t like people and am apatheic to getting to know new ones. I have low tolerance for stupidity. I refuse to act like your wife when i’m not your wife. I’m cocky. I don’t know how to let a man be a man. I’m too independent.
The Analyst
October 27, 2011
The first 3-4 things you said I can understand. The last two, not so much. What’s your issue with letting a man be a man and why so independent?
Jacquese
October 27, 2011
Im single bc I’m selfish and don’t listen well. I love to talk but listening, not so much. I can be really clingy too (don’t know the stanard level of female cling BUT I’m sure I’m a few notches above that) Love your blog, it’s honest
Keep up the good work!
The Analyst
October 31, 2011
LMAO @ I don’t listen well. I thought women were supposed to be listeners?!?!?!? Stage 6 clinger huh? You probably gotta get that under wraps, but thanks for commenting and I’m glad you liked the post ^_^
Tara
October 27, 2011
I am single because:
In the past, when I wasn’t, I was miserable.
It’s easier for me to lose weight as a single woman.
When I am in a relationship, food is my coping mechanism.
I’ve given too much of myself, now I only give TO myself.
Being single isn’t a crime
I’m not getting into another relationship unless he is worthy of me.
The Analyst
October 31, 2011
Seems like some pretty good reasons to me. Especially about being single not being a crime. Women have it so much harder than me in that regard. Society treats y’all like lepers when you tell people you’re single and you actually enjoy being so.
Be On It
October 27, 2011
Ha! Loves this. Here are my reasons
1. I don’t know of I like men as people. I know good men, but that has not changed my opinion
2. It’s my way or the highway
3. I suck at keeping house & being a girly girl
4. I can only follow someone I believe is more competent than me. Most people, but especially men, fail to convince me that they are (whether they are or not). Plus, see #1 & #2
5. I’m getting set in my ways
6. When I don’t want to be bothered, I don’t F’ing WANT TO BE BOTHERED.
7. I hold grudges.
8. I don’t Know how to, nor do I want to, coddle a man’s ego.
Mae
October 27, 2011
Why am I single? Simple.
1. There are other aspects of life that are más importante. My health is my main focus; I am definitely more worried about me than anyone else.
2. I’m an asshole so I tend to be very reckless and/or sarcastic when I speak. Since my tongue is sharp most men don’t know how to read me.
3. Last but not least, I’m afraid of LOVE. I’ve been there, been hurt, and have hurt others. So, I’m ducking and dodging it. Now, is not the time for such a thing.
I’m very simple with a hint of complexity.
Kid Eros
October 27, 2011
I stay single because I have yet to believe that a young woman can match the love I give. I could have the most wonderful day with her, and that still wouldnt compare to sitting behind a keyboard and making music. So I guess, to put it plainly…. I’m single because I choose to be.
Yaël 'Yayo' Monereau
October 31, 2011
I did this about a month ago and discovered so many “good” and “could use some improvement” qualities about myself and realized that I have some personal work to do and some inner focus to concentrate on. It really is an eye opening exercise and should be done often, cause I noticed I have traits still that linger from child-hood that I should’ve grown out of (or I at least thought I grew out of). It is a very emotional activity and should be done with complete honesty.
1. Emotionally Bankrupt (I don’t share, I’d rather smile and find peace AFTER I take it to God, worryi- does nothi- for the situation except make your heart heavy, and yeah I listen but once you start crossi- from rational to crazy I’m done, suck it up and keep it movi-)
2. Hide My True Self (to keep tides from rolli- and to keep negative thoughts off my positive attitude)
3. Distant (Once someone starts getti- under my skin, what/who ever it/they may be, I find less and less time to hang around)
4. Selfish (I think long and hard about gifts for 2 reasons, #1: I really want to get a gift the person will actually use and #2: Some people are so wishy-washy I don’t want to waste $$$, brain cells and time to find somethi-)
5. Spiritually Growi- (A lot of people are afraid that when you say you’re involved in the church or with God in any way/shape/form that you can’t have fun and hangout; if that’s your thought process I don’t want to be around you anyway; I don’t want this to be the case “He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to, Aski- him to fast would be absurd!”—excerpt from I will wait for you by Janet (Stand Up Poet aka Genetics = Janet…ikz, check out her youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&feature=youtube_gdata_player when you get a chance)
Kudos to you for this post!
T.
December 7, 2011
you’re single because you’re not attractive & you’re a dick. you’re an ignorant coon. sexist ass. and let’s get one thing straight too: you don’t know me. keep my motherfucking name out of your tweets. hop off my dick please.
The Analyst
December 9, 2011
You sound mad. Real mad. Joe Jackson. Also…if I don’t know you, how I’ma keep your name out my tweets? Riddle me that.
MsTBennett
December 15, 2011
Late, but I decided to share.
I’m single because, at this moment, I’ve been sipping on a lil “I don’t give a f***” juice. I don’t feel like putting time and energy into someone that …well. No, that’s it. I just don’t feel like putting time and energy into someone. *blink blink* And yeah, this is a bad case of I want what I want, when I want it…. *cough* SELFISH *cough* I’ve no interest in stringing along a line of men that I know I’m not the woman for (either because of my personal preference or theirs). So I’d just rather not deal with it. Dating should be fun, but it feels like more of a hassle…and my patience runs thin. I’ll be 26 in two months – I like to have fun, but that doesn’t include wasting my time or the time of someone else.
Another thing is that I crave physical attraction just as much as I do mental stimulation. I’m not asking for Boris Kodjoe, I just want physical chemistry. And what I’ve run across is slight mental connection and a mildly cooling puddle of attraction. I won’t go. Attraction can grow over time, sure, but dammit, I should WANT to strip you naked! So hey, if I’m shallow *Kanye shrug* I’ll take it. But I’ll be damned if I commit to someone I don’t want to have sex with.
….men that I have been TRULY interested in are never in my zip code. Go figure. Until such a time that someone comes across my path and arrests my vision/mind and I’m forced to to change my feelings on all this, I’ll be single
Vajenkin
December 19, 2011
This was also very interesting! I took to twitter this past summer to express several of my flaws. I dont have many spousal relationship issues…but issues with friends & associates…which are very similar to spousal relationships, are high in number for me. I have a low tolerance for bullshit & mediocrity. I don’t think so high of myself as to where I shun or look down on others, but I do tend to cut ppl off who add little to no value to my life quicker than their opposition. Something to know about me…